You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
