Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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