I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
