Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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