You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
