i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
