Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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