Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
