u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
