His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
