yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize