I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
