gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
