dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
