Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
