I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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