I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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