Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize