I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
