i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
