She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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