the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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