He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
