The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
