Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
