It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
