Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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