so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
