He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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