remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
