yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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