I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
