This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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