You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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