I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
