He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
