i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
