I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
