Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize