Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
