Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
