Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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