the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
