You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
