my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
