Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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