i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize