when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
