i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
