She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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