I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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