take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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