No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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