How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
