there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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