Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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