hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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