then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
