i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
