Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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