I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
