Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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