Tell her she can't have a vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
