Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
