I cannot find my penis.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize