I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
