Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
