I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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