I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
