So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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