apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
