Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
